It’s been a rough few weeks for Ben Affleck, aka Batfleck, aka Beantown Benny, aka He of the Horrendous the Back Tatt That Looks Like Something From A Blacklight Poster in a Head Shop.
For one thing, the whole world has been roasting Affleck’s tattoo for the very good reason that it’s the ugliest sight anyone has laid eyes on since that time Trump went golfing in white shorts.
But there’s more here than just that just the hilarity that is the #PhoenixFail.
You see, Ben has been in Sad Affleck mode in a big way lately.
His melancholia has reached the point that even the tortoise shell-framed Vassar grads at The New Yorker were forced to take a break from writing captions for sketches of animals in therapists’ offices in order to pen a typically high-minded assessment of Ben’s mental state.
Yes, even the actor’s number one confidante, Matt Damon, has enjoyed ragging on Affleck in recent weeks, a development that’s almost certainly led Ben to text his friend something along the lines of “I don’t like them apples at all, Matt!”
Needless to say, these are trying times in the House of Affleck.
Fortunately, Ben has been able to find solace in the fact that he’s still rich and famous and thus, will always be able to find a partner willing to overlook his giant mythological back bird.
Ben has been dating Lindsay Shookus for the better part of the past year, but it seems there was a brief hiatus in the relationship that began around the same time as Ben’s latest round of troubles.
However, according to People magazine, Affleck and Shookus are 100 percent back on these days.
The couple was spotted hanging out in Hawaii earlier this week, and witnesses say they looked very coupled-up.
They may have even engaged in a bit of canoodling.
Sources tell People that Ben and Lindsay are “not rushing anything,” but they “enjoy each other’s company” and “are in a committed relationship.”
Of course, the question on the mind of many Ben-watchers is: are Affleck and Shookus still drinking together?
Yes, even after Ben’s multiple stints in rehab, he and Lindsay were spotted hitting the sauce together during their travels.
Fortunately, it sounds as though Ben has put the plug in the jug for good these days, and he and Lindsay reportedly drank nothing stronger than coconut water during their time on the big island:
“He has been very on top of his health and responsible,” added the source.
“He wants to be sober and healthy.”
Sounds like Ben might finally be turning things around!
If only there were some sort of mythical creature whose story might provide a suitable analogy for Affleck’s current state of rebirth.