Fred Caruso – a producer on the off-Broadway hit Newsical and the 2009 film Big Gay Musical – has been found dead of an apparent suicide.
He was 41 years old.
Caruso himself confirmed this new via a message he schedule to go live on the Big Gay Musical Facebook page on Monday.
The chilling post was penned in seemingly high spirits by Caruso and it detailed his troubled state of mind.
“I have some good news – I will no longer be sending out BERNIE shit,” it opens.
“Its not because I support hiLIARy – its because I”m no longer alive. (yes I’ve been making bad jokes for 41 yrs and I intend to end things the way it began.)
“I have been forced to send this out through the BGM page – cause Facebook doesn’t allow you to delay posts on your personal page.”
It’s not too often something like this happens, is it?
Caruso goes on:
“For most of my life I have been absolutely miserable – except for when I was creating. I have nothing left in me to create.
“I don’t think I have any idea what love or happiness is. I have been incredibly lonely and at the same time – I hate being around people.”
The producer went on to say he first attempted suicide last week by taking 30 ambien pills.
It’s unclear at this time just how Caruso took his life, but he says he found a way that was not messy and that was “relatively painless,” adding:
“I have achieved more in my life than I ever should have been able to. I grew up on government cheese, food stamps, and public housing.
“I have produced great theatre, movies (two of which I wrote and directed) and I traveled all over the world. I regret nothing especially the choice that I am making now.”
Caruso said he wants to be clear: he still holds grudges against certain people. He tried as hard as he could to find happiness. And his last few days on Earth were “great.”
He ate steak. He stayed in “jacuzzi suites on the strip.”
In lieu of a memorial, Caruso asked friends and family members to donate to the Trevor Project, which provides suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ youth.
He concluded as follows:
To all of you that have touched my life I thank you from the bottom of soul. I hope I have touched a few of yours (and I know I’ve touched a few of you)…
I have spent the last few days driving all over trying to find a different solution – I couldn’t.