Worst superheroes and superpowers

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Sportsmaster

Sportsmaster

Sportsmaster, the name of two villains in the DC universe. He can make all sorts of sports-related paraphernalia, baseballs, lacrosse sticks, etc., into weapons. It’s all a bit literal there.

Dummy

The leader of a criminal gang and skilled with weapons, Dummy can look like a ventriloquist Dummy when trouble strikes. According to Wikipedia: “The Dummy’s secret identity is never revealed; in fact, it is never made clear whether the Dummy is a very short human being or an actual wooden dummy that has somehow been brought to life.”

Chlorophyll Kid

The Chlorophyll Kid can make plants grow, and in his few appearances he is rejected from the League of Super-Heroes and made a member of the League of Substitute Heroes since his power is so dumb.

Cypher

His Super Power is Next-level translation and decrypting. He was a member of the X-men whose super power was the ability to translate any language or decrypt any code. While he could be useful during wartimes to break enemy code or communicate with hostile alien species, he was generally useless and was often seen hiding behind trees when it came time for battle. Cypher became increasingly insecure and fearful; he lacked the ability to defend himself and relied on others for protection, and eventually was killed off by an evil geneticist know as Ani-Mator. After his death Cypher amassed a cult following, though it is hard to say if it was one of pity or admiration.

Rainbow Girl

With theSuper Power to Manipulate the emotional spectrum (resulting in violent mood swings). You might find yourself with your head firmly placed in your palm as you wonder what in the world DC was thinking when they created Dori Aandraison, Rainbow Girl. This completely sexist character relied on her emotions rather than her physical abilities to handle situations. A mockery of women everywhere, this heroin could harness the power of the rainbow with such colors as red (anger), blue (hope), and green (willpower) to aid her allies and fight crime with her womanly moodiness. Perhaps more insulting was her rainbow pheromone shield, which made her the most popular girl and universally well-liked gal around.

Color Kid

With this amaizing Super Power he can change the color of anything at will. The Color Kid was part of the Legion of Substitute Heroes. These guys banded together and formed a group, after they were all rejected from The League of Super Heroes for having super lame powers, to prove that their powers, and by extension themselves, weren’t horrible jokes. Color Kid was a scientist’s assistant on his home planet, but during his assisting he was hit by a multicolored beam of light from another dimension which gave him the super amazing ability to change the color of any object. His ability does have some use; during a crucial battle he was able to switch the color of the earth and sky. He also changed the color and properties of the green kryptonite cloud around Earth to blue, which had negative effects on the creatures that were attacking. Regardless of his few victories, Color Kid’s gifts are limited in their usefulness, but if you ever look in the mirror and don’t like the color of your hair or feel your walls need reviving, just ask Color Kid, he’ll help you out.

GOLDSTAR

Goldstar was created to be the antithesis of DC’s badass bastich Lobo in every way that Lobo was cool, Goldstar was lame. His power? Niceity. Yup, he had the ability to be nice, and to instill niceness in other people. (To be fair, that certainly does sound like the opposite of Lobo!)

Clean-cut hero Ernest Widdle even came from a planet named “Harmony,” and was also part of a whole team of sickeningly upbeat heroes. Eventually, this Goldstar would give his life to save his arch-nemesis. Turns out being really nice doesn’t prevent a Godwave from obliterating you. Who knew?

MR. MIDNIGHT

Despite his extremely cool name, Mr. Midnight had one of the more useless powers of the Golden Age. By shouting, “Stop, Time!” Neal Carruthers was able to… stop clocks. Not time, mind you, but clocks. Though this presumably wreaked merry hell with schedule-based crime plots, it likely proved ineffective against stuff like, well, guns. His calling card was a watch dial pointed at midnight; this, combined with Neal’s personal wealth and tuxedo-based costume suggest that the whole crime-fighting thing was a bit of a lark.

GREAT LAKES AVENGERS

Originally introduced in the ’80s in the pages of West Coast Avengers this goofy group rose to newfound prominence in 2005 with a GLA miniseries written by current Amazing Spider-Man scribe Dan Slott. Based in Milwaukee, the GLA came together when a hero named Mr. Immortal realized his power to “not be killed” wasn’t really helping him fight crime. He took out a classified ad looking for heroes to complete a superhero team, and what he got was the A-List of lame Marvel superpowers.

The ad’s respondents included several heroes with meaningless powers like Flatman, who can make himself… well… flat; Big Bertha, a supermodel who can become fat at will; and a hilarious character named Leatherboy, a fetishist who thought he was responding to a personal ad. But the team also included Squirrel Girl, who has been shown to have a lot more power behind her buck teeth and tail. (Check her out as the New Avengers nanny for evidnce.) And even though they usually screw up their assignments, they seem to always come out somewhat on top, despite the not-so-super powers.

Dazzler

Her power is literally disco. She can turn sound waves into light. She is a party in a box. To her credit, she was originally a comics/music industry collaboration, a creation along the lines of KISS, but she just kind of evolved into a supergal with silly powers.

Squirrel Girl

She has a pet squirrel. She can control the squirrels. She wears a squirrel fur-lined bodysuit in what is an act of creepy dominance over all over squirrelvania. She is the god of all those rodents with tails, and that’s what makes her effective.